Love Muffins and Butterflies

FROM: HER
Love muffin.

FROM: HIM
Do you want to know what that did to me? Be careful, and think about it before you respond.

FROM: HER
Made you hungry for dessert?

FROM: HIM
No, not at all…..that was cute…but no that’s not what it did. I don’t think about dessert unless it is pumpkin pie and whip cream….Or maybe me can substitute the pie for you….lol….

FROM: HER
No, love muffin, what did it do to you? Take you back in time to someone else? Or did it bring you forward in time to me?

FROM: HIM
No one has ever called me muffin of any kind…so it didn’t take me back. You could say forward a bit to you. It made me melt, for the first time in a while. I know it sounds corny, but you have to remember that too, you know, what it was like to have a guy make you melt or give you butterflies.

That just did it for me.

FROM: HER
No one has ever called you a love muffin? That explains a lot. How old were you when you were no longer considered a boy (and I mean when did you stop considering yourself a boy)? From this one statement I would imagine that you were very young when you decided you were no longer a boy and that your family (whether it was your mom, grandma, grandpa or aunt) stopped calling you pet names like love muffin. Awww, that’s so sad to me….my kids are nearly 18 and 14 and I still call them pet names, I can make both of my kids feel like they’re 5 in a matter of minutes, even my oldest.

Okay…I’m flattered and sad that it made you melt, but I’m glad too. From everything you’ve written, and lord knows it’s a lot – I can’t imagine you not being a love muffin. Okay…its final, you’re my love muffin.

Now, to answer your other question, it’s been a very long time since someone flattered me enough to give me butterflies. I love butterflies – if I had to say the one thing I really, truly miss about being completely in love is the butterflies. That’s something I’ve been keeping to myself for a few years and something I’ve stopped looking for. M. will never give me butterflies, which is why we’ll never be in love.

FROM: HIM
“Okay…its final, you’re my love muffin.” Yeah, melt is the perfect word for that.

I stopped considering myself a boy and looked at myself as a man at around 12, then at 15 I said I didn’t know what I was thinking then, I’m a man now….like I’ve said, food, car, work, furniture, clothes, phone, lack of support…I was taking care of myself since then.

OK, here is more digging for you….what gives you butterflies? And don’t say you have to be in love to get them, because if that were the case then your last statement would be contradictory….” M. will never give me butterflies, which is why we’ll never be in love. “And what does that explain? I’m lost on your first sentence?

FROM: HER
I feel the butterflies when I’m attracted – so it comes even before the love. And it doesn’t take four years – it’s generally after a couple of dates, the one who gives me butterflies will do something for me/to me and I will feel the flutters in my stomach, I never know what that thing is that will happen, it just does. There’s no contradiction. It wouldn’t take four years for any man to give me butterflies – God this is hard to explain, it comes with the recognition of mutual feelings, new feelings for each other, as those feelings begin to grow – at the beginning, but not the very beginning. It’s that moment when you don’t want to share anything about this other person with another person; you want them all to yourself. Urgh…I hope you understand what I’m trying to say.

FROM: HIM
It sounds nice…I’ve never felt it (butterflies) but I have known what you are speaking of. It’s just been a while. I know when I’ve fallen because I don’t want to do anything except spend all my time with that woman, I don’t want either of us to get out of bed in the morning, I don’t want to leave for work….I still do, but reluctantly. When I’m at work, I’m constantly checking the clock and counting down until I can be with them again. And when I finally do see them, I can’t stop smiling until they are in my arms.

I want to take care of you. I want you to feel like a queen with me. I know I do this at a risk of you (and me) falling. But I don’t think I would mind terribly, especially since you haven’t felt that way in so many years. My rule is in place simply for your emotional safety. If we were to fall, my concern would be hurting you…again it would never be intentional, but IF something stupid were to happen, would you really forgive me and be able to feel the same about me? I don’t think that is possible. But either way, I want you to feel loved. (I don’t think that really explained it well enough.)

Yeah you need to be treated like a queen again (or maybe for the first time). Someone like you should NOT feel this way. I cannot attest for those other guys, but I think you are amazing. Beautiful, smart, mature in the right areas, but fun in the right areas as well. Did I mention you are sexy? Beautiful is one thing and sexy is something completely different, you are both. I’m sorry you don’t think anyone has been interested in you for four years but I am interested right now.

And besides me (I know this may not help much but as a guy I know this to be true) you met M. and were nervous…you brushed away his advances for what two, three weeks….but he was persistent. A guy isn’t that persistent unless he is interested, and by interested I mean a lot…as in captivated or mesmerized. We don’t have long attention spans. We just can’t do that.

You are very beautiful. I wish I could wrap my arms around you right now and whisper into your ear. I’d make you feel better about everything.

FROM: HER
M. treats me like a queen – I do not treat him like a king. Butterflies would remedy this – he wouldn’t hurt my feelings or break my heart if we broke up. I don’t think it would break his heart either. My ex – he broke my heart. He not only broke my heart, but worked 15 years on building a wall around my heart made out of cinderblock, barbed wire, ice and ready at any moment to zap anyone’s ass with a very powerful bolt of electricity. Don’t mistake that electricity for butterflies, it could kill you.

I think it would take a helluva man to break through all that – I really do. And, that’s not a challenge – it’s just how I feel. I don’t know if I would be able to let myself open up enough ever again to be as hurt as he hurt me. It’s baggage – it’s huge baggage that I carry every day. M. tells me all the time that he’s always the backup guy who finds woman who have been really hurt by the guy before him – I told him to stop dating cougars and he wouldn’t have that problem. I think it would be difficult to find an older woman who hasn’t had her heart broken and the scars to prove it. After that, protecting yourself is physiology -- not a choice.

Do I think you could be that man? I have no idea. You probably know more about me in this past month than M. – it’s easier to run naked through the woods if I think no one is watching, and I do love being naked.