The "Don't Fall for Me" Rule

FROM: HIM
I don’t think I could get tired of you based on what I know so far….I think we’d be a pretty good match, hence my don’t fall for me rule. Both of us bitch when its cold…we could feed off each other, it wouldn’t be bitching at each other, it would be, “Jesus it’s fucking cold out WTF!” “I know holy shit, what the hell happened!” We’d be great for each other, but god help everybody else. If I was stationed near you, we could be roommates. What do you think about that?

FROM: HER
It could be a possibility. Let’s see -- Lord knows my house is big enough and there are plenty of houses in foreclosure around here that you could do both the military and business…and you could do your clubs here, although you might have to make them gay instead of your plan, and I’ve been trying to open a business or a couple of years – by the time you get here, maybe it will be possible??? But then you’d fall for me and then where would we be?

FROM: HIM
And why would I fall for you?

FROM: HER
Awww, I’m crushed.

FROM: HIM
Not how I meant that……it was a question that was not sarcastic….but rather “I’m looking for info.” You are beautiful Sweetheart, you need to start believing that….there are a hundred things I could compliment you on, all would make you feel happy, why would I pick one that I didn’t think was true? And I don’t think you’ve answered my question…

FROM: HER
URGH….okay, you’d fall for me because…

…I’m so nice
…because I don’t have any preconceived notions about what you should do, what I should do, etc. – you just do what you want, I do what I want and when we both want, we connect.
…because I’m as much fun as a teenage kid most of the time.
…I love hot rods, amusement parks, parades, balloons, coloring, kids movies, drawing, art, making things, working with my hands, animals, shoes, jeans and dresses – I love to go fast, while I hate to watch sports on TV, I like going to the games – ice hockey, baseball, kids playing football – doesn’t matter as long as it’s not sitting on the couch watching.
...I rarely make plans to do anything – I love taking off at the spur of the moment and deciding as we go, I like wrong turns – make them on purpose sometimes just to see something I might have missed along the way.
...I wish for more time, more life, more sunshine, more colors, less pain and inherent knowledge without pain…
…I do my best to make people like me and to make them happy just to be themselves.
…And because you will look into my eyes, feel my body with yours and forget why you wouldn’t want to fall for me.

But I won’t fall for you because it’s in the rules, and above all else – I follow the rules.

FROM: HIM
Yeah…we’ll fall for each other…And I won’t be here forever, at the very least I still plan on visiting you…risk of falling or not.

FROM: HER
Good. I’m looking forward to it. Whether you fall or not – Besides, I didn’t give you any rules.

FROM: HIM
What’s this, whether I fall or not? What if you fall?

FROM: HER
Ah, I see that you have pulled the rules from my words rather than from a list of rules. I like that you remember. What if I fall – it’s in the rules that I can’t fall. You’d have to change the rules.

FROM: HIM
I’ve done it before. It just meant the rules changed. What about you, you haven’t fallen in years…what would you think, say, and do if you fell?

FROM: HER
I honestly don’t know if I have it in me to fall again. I’m old and cynical – don’t believe the man. Unless you can wear love on your shirt sleeve like a patch, I don’t think I could believe that the feeling exists enough from one person towards me to let myself go there. I like the fantasy of love too much – I like the idea that you’re always happy with the one you are in love with, and that they are always happy with you, and that life is flowers and sunshine. AND even when it isn’t flowers and sunshine, even when it’s cold mud and rain, it’s okay because you have each other. My fantasy of love doesn’t include things like I love you until I find someone else to love more – and considering my luck with love, I’m thinking that type of love just isn’t meant for me to find and that I’d be better off not falling in love and holding onto my ‘finding love fantasy’ as a fantasy.

And think about it, when you’re 70 I’ll be 91…you’ll be looking for much younger women and I’ll be old and wrinkly. You’ll be in your prime and I’ll be prime for the box.

FROM: HIM
Ok first off…that fantasy has to be true somewhere. I’ve pretty much given up on it too, but it has to exist, I cannot spend my life looking for random women for companionship and to give comfort to. But I don’t believe that when its cold and muddy you still have each other and that makes it ok. You went through it with M. Three years, how was it? It sucked. His presence didn’t help. K. and I the same thing. If it's cold and muddy, it's because it has been rainy and foggy, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed. It just requires BOTH of you to communicate, not go behind your back and cheat, not lie about everything and blow up. Real communication.

And lastly… I won’t make it to 70- I’m an adrenalin junkie, I’m military. I take unnecessary risks. I’ll be dead at 69. And even if I do… 70-80-90-91, who cares they all look the same anyway. Right?

FROM: HER
Sorry, my cold mud and rain where relating to things like financial issues, work issues, kid issues, outside things that make turmoil in your world – not cheating. Because, even with those things out of your control – at home with the one you love, those things remain outside the door (proverbial door, not really the door). Doesn’t mean that you don’t talk about them, deal with them, etc. – but they don’t change that you love each other and wouldn’t do anything to hurt the other.

I plan on living to be an old, crotchety woman who yells at people’s children to stay off my lawn and make the kid’s talk about the crazy lady at the end of the street that you shouldn’t trick or treat at her house ‘cause she’s really a witch! LOL! Reality – I’ll be the old lady that the little kids come to my house to play with the animals and have tea parties…urgh.

FROM: HIM
Got it sweetheart….let me ask you something, only because this hasn’t NOT happened yet. IF you were to fall eventually, would you be more scared or happy?

The rule that changes if we fall, is 100% OPEN COMMUNICATION….all the time.

FROM: HER
Scared.

FROM: HIM
Of?

FROM: HER
That I would be disappointed yet again.

FROM: HIM
I doubt it. But I doesn’t matter anymore, whatever happens, happens. I say don’t fall for me because I don’t want to hurt you later on, not that I would do it intentionally, but It will happen and I just don’t want to hurt someone I love.

Rules always get broken….It what you do about them to make you happy in the end that counts. From the little I know of you I think I could make you happy, and be happy with you as well…but from what I know of myself, I’d screw it up for you….so that’s why I ask, because we are setting ourselves up to fall, both of us. If that does happen, how do I keep you happy? How I would want you to be if you fell for me….feeling like a queen.

FROM: HER
Have you talked to me online long enough that I’ve made you cynical too? Hurting someone you love is okay – it’s just knowing that you’ve hurt them and making sure you remember to apologize for it when you do realize what you’ve done. Forgiveness is part of love – I really don’t think two people can go through a life and not hurt each other ever, it’s just recognizing it, apologizing for it, doing whatever is necessary to make sure that it’s forgiven and moving on. The moving on is the hardest part because for some idiotic reason people always want to go back to the past and relive the bad things. Wouldn’t it be so much nicer to move forward and remember the good things?

What would keep me happy -- this one took me a lot of thought and some time…and I don’t know that I’m done yet, but I think I am.

I don’t know. I didn’t come with a feelings manual. I won’t know until it’s time to figure it out. I’m not much for the future – don’t think much about it, don’t plan for it – except in business. I understand numbers and they are usually right through the years. People on the other hand, the plans always change and I end up disappointed.

FROM: HIM
What could I do that would disappoint you? Be honest…close your eyes and picture this: we’ve met, hung out, been friends (in person) I got stationed near you, we room together… We’ve fallen for each other……..what are the things (any and all of them) that I could say, do, or think, that would hurt you?

FROM: HER
Boy, you are a digger aren’t you? Are you sure you’re not out there on a back hoe digging for bodies or something?

Okay…how could you disappoint me? If I were to fall for any man who told me he had also fallen for me -- the things that would hurt me most and that would justify my cynical attitude in order of importance to me or potential occurrence…

…lie to me
…cheat on me
…treat me like I’m disposable or not special to you
…treat me as being less valuable than yourself
...have expectations of me that I can’t meet
…leave me

FROM: HIM
You can add to it at any time, and please tell me immediately if you do…

Lie to you, won’t happen, but please remember open communication, some things hurt but they at least aren’t lies, and everything has a reason…I did this because it thought this… etc.

Cheat…not going to happen. You hadn’t had a good sex life for the past three years…I’ve been hitting on you over the web from some 4k miles away, and you are a nymph…Why would I cheat. If you start to get cold in person, we’ll talk so you know how I feel, I’ll dig harder to figure out why you’ve become cold and I’ll work even harder to fix it for both of us.
Disposable or not special and less valuable than myself are all the same to me…..Will not happen. Pecking order comes like this…. My kids first, then you, then me.
Expectations that you can’t meet….falls back on communication. If you let me know how can I hold you responsible. If I even ask much of you at all, usually it will be small things.

And yes I dig….I want to know everything about you. You captivate me.

FROM: HIM
Oh, I forgot leave you….if we can communicate everything, and we genuinely love the other, why would we…unless you count me being stationed away from you before you can move.